The Traitors of our Hearts

By: McKell Myers
This morning I woke up. I got dressed and looked in the mirror. I wish I could say that I had liked what I had seen, but instead of the glamour…the beauty…the look of “unstoppable” written on a thin vibrant face, I saw me. The me that was there yesterday and that will no doubt be there tomorrow. The me that I regularly fought with and cried with. The me that had looked in that mirror on several occasions and had thought the words: ugly, fat, scared, dumb, unwanted. In that moment, I realized the enemy of my gender, the enemy of my soul, my happiness and success, was that same face looking back at me in the mirror. I was the villain and the victim, and my life would always foster that irony if I continued to let it.
Might I make a suggestion? Before we blame the kings and principalities, the tyrants and terrors of the world for the invisibility of God’s daughters, might we first consider the girl looking in the mirror? The girl allowing doubt and the frustrations of her time to weigh on her countenance and potential. The girl thinking that a choice had to be made between her dreams and goals. The girl knowing “her place” and feeling guilty for being unhappy with the cards her female heritage had dealt her. In essence, the girl that had forgotten who she was.
As I have pondered my own great destiny I have been conflicted with this idea of “choosing”; choosing between my life’s goal of creating and making a difference in society by way of some profession or another, and my eternal goals of having a family, of being a wife and mother. This struggle has weighed heavily on my mind, and beaten on my heart for several years now. In light of humbling events, personal prayer, and the words of a dear teacher I have come to some realizations. First, it wasn’t Mormon culture that made me want to be a mother. That desire was the most natural of instincts and most undisputable of decisions I have ever made. It was something that had been decided in me long before “beehives” and “miamaids”. Second, my desires to create and give the world some form of joy or truth by way of a profession wasn’t the influence of societal feminism but rather, also instinctive… dare I say, even God given.
For so long I thought these choices were waging war on one another; that I had one foot in God’s kingdom and one still in Babylon. Somewhere along the line I had forgotten that both desires had room in my heart and plan. One life pursuit wasn’t authored by the Church, and another authored by the world. Rather they were both written for me by a loving Heavenly Father who through a righteous Patriarch had made them known. The Holy Ghost was also my friend in confirming the goodness of these desires, and distilling the peace necessary to see the harmony of my future public and private life. These desires are both of eternal significance and are a part of my plan…the plan the Lord has specifically designed for me.
When daughters of God solely wish to do the Lord’s bidding there is no balancing act. There is no choosing, picking sides, or inner conflict. All her desires are good, and perhaps in performing one, she will be able to better fulfill the other. There is no room for apology, or justification. The Lord has spoken and that is enough. We will always be invisible to the rest of the world, if we first don’t wish to see ourselves. If we don’t let the guilt procured by our culture go, and fear the heavier guilt and Godly sorry that comes from living below our potential. How dare I wish for the girl in the mirror to disappear, to even consider getting back in bed and taking the easy road of life? How dare I believe that my Father in Heaven would instill in me desires and goals of which were conflicting in means and divulging in ends? Why would He give me personal commandments if He was not to aid my efforts and make it possible for me to accomplish them?
If our intent is to further the Lords work and prove ourselves, not to the world, not to men, but to Him…women have every reason to participate in the professional realm. If our desires are His, and our ambitions of a worthy cause, we have the right to look in the mirror and say as Moses did: “Get thee hence, Satan, deceive me not; for God said unto me; Thou art made after the similitude of mine Only begotten. And he also gave me commandments when he called unto me,” and I have every intention of delivering his people out of bondage. (Moses 1:16-17).
The freedom of a nation was contingent on Moses realizing who he was. In modern times we have dictators just as evil as the pharos of Egypt. Additionally, injustices against women specifically include Human Trafficking, Child Brides and young pregnancy, Female Genital Mutilation, the killing of new born daughters, and the educational oppression and torture of women. The children corresponding to such issues are also in need of deliverance. I recognize that this oppression and fallen patriarchy is oft times sickening and dark. Yet to do nothing would be to betray our sisters across the globe that do not have the luxury of turning from these realities and sharing in our ignorance.
LDS women are among the most qualified to see the needs of these damaged spirits. In light of the restored gospel not only do we spread the message of peace and goodwill through the raising of our children, but in the public spheres we qualify ourselves to enter. While culture may say: stay home, the title of Relief Society alone contradicts that message. The purity associated with women does not exist on account of pretending such realities don’t exist, but rather such purity is based in our knowledge and application of the Atonement… in our ability to see ourselves in the similitude of the Savior; to be His hands and voice for the hungry, naked, and afflicted (Matt 25:35-40). By turning our backs and covering the eyes of our children we betray them and the lessons we’ve tried to teach them. Hypocrisy clouds our divinely female heirship and covenants we made to bear one another’s burdens are broken (Mosiah 18: 8-10).
As I mentioned in my initial paper; women ought to interfere in political matters if only to make themselves visible to the governments of which they belong to. How? By taking their female instincts and looking outward. In this perspective, resume building has never been so selfless. Getting an education also becomes vital. How are we to help in matters of grave importance if we can’t recognize a wound or diagnose the damsel? However, it doesn’t end with a degree; for “intelligence without ambition is like a bird without wings” (Burton, 2009). Therefore, women ought to participate in the public and professional world. While spheres of influence will be specific for each woman, and the degree of involvement between them and the Lord, city councils, national governments, ambassadors, teachers, and doctors need to consist of both men and women, their needs as well as contributions will forever remain invisible if they don’t take their place alongside men in these pursuits.
The injustices that have for so long plagued Egypt and the world at large are dependent on God’s chosen to be who they were meant to be. The Lord prepared Moses before He withdrew, and I believe the Lord did the same with us. He reminded us again and again who we were before we came to earth. While Satan would have us forget, or distract us from our real mission, we must remember and echo the Lord’s loving voice to His other children. The fallen patriarchy the world has known, the pride, vanity, and degradation of women is simply the voice of Satan. He is belittling God’s daughters by making God’s sons after his own unglorified image, and having them speak the same fallen admonition of “worship me”(Moses 1:12). “Indeed, what Satan substitutes is a patriarchy based on fallen values of power and control and pride” (Hudson 2004, 165).
The cultural traditions that twist eternal truths and prohibit women from fulfilling their personal admonitions from the Lord are authored by the Father of Lies. “Therefore; wo be unto him that is at ease in Zion! Wo be unto him that crieth: all is well! (2 Nephi 28: 24-25). The perversions of which we witness aren’t from the patriarchal blessing we receive from the hands and voices of the Lords anointed, but rather from the wolves in sheep’s clothing that have intentionally or unintentionally adopted Satan’s role in the story found in Moses 1. While the priesthood will be held accountable for any practices of Fallen Patriarchy, women of the Church will also answer before the Lord for the “discharge of their obligations” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).
Talents and abilities are unique in each woman, because each woman has a part to play in God’s plan. The bearing and raising of children is the most noble and rewarding role we may fulfill but our stewardship and contributions do not end there. They are the stepping stones for which we are able to nurture and care for all of God’s children. This covenant we also made and must keep for Exaltation. As I have pondered on the abilities the Lord has given me, I have been tempted at times to silence the voice in my head that says: “this is good, but there is more to be done.” How easy it is to hide behind cultural traditions and claim them as gospel principles; to wish for only a marriage out of my BYU experience rather than a degree and potentially demanding profession. However, the more I learn of my Savior and the more I become like Him, the more I want to help carry His heavy load. Becoming aware of the bondage my gender specifically experiences awakens me to action.
I will have a profession. Not for temporal gains, or recognition from the men in my life that said I couldn’t, but because the Lord has asked me to. I’m at peace with this because the Lord and I both know I want to be a mother above all else. I think He knows that He can trust me with other pursuits because I will never be deterred from my most fundamental female desire.
I looked in the mirror this morning, and had my doubts and disappointments, but then I got dressed, I got in the car and headed to Salt Lake for a conference meeting, a meeting consisting of all men with the exception of myself. This was a meeting for an organization in which I serve as the Executive Director of the Utah Federation of College Republicans. Not only did I identify my feminine qualities with needs the organization lacked, but I made notes as to how my gender would best support and aid in future political involvement. More importantly, the girl in the mirror realized that mirrors were overrated.
I am uncertain as to the specific profession the Lord has in store for me. But I am no longer afraid to consider the possibilities and desires found within my heart. Perhaps we can have everything, did not God promise us all that He has? I’m pretty sure that includes children as well as opportunities to create, lead, inspire, and be known to the world. The visibility of women begins in the mirror. It begins in the hearts of women who sustain the Lord’s Patriarchal Order and accepts the reflection of the Savior found in their countenances. As we are educated and exposed to the cruelties of a fallen world we will better be able to succor the needs of God’s children and fight against the injustices.
The value of each woman goes beyond the bearing and raising of children. If my mother’s primary mission was to help me in developing, I have to believe that the meaning of my life and the meaning of my mother’s efforts were for a grandeur purpose than the simple perpetuation of a population. Motherhood is the perpetuating of all things human, beautiful, and good. We know the Lord loves us, not just because He grants us air to breath and food to eat, but because He also planted flowers and painted sunsets. In Him becoming all that He is, we have the opportunity to do likewise. Mothers pack those Cheerio snacks and tuck your children into bed, for our souls are saved in these very acts. But when your children dream, and they will, let it be because they had mothers who showed them how.
William Shakespeare once said: “our doubts make us traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” The Lord wants us arriving at His judgment bar with worn hands and bloody knees, minds full of wisdom and experiences, and hearts overflowing with love and compassion. In order for the homemaker to understand her potential as a maker of worlds she must no doubt step from the safety of her kitchen, garden, or sewing room and walk among her brothers as an equal and a contributor. Women of faith aren’t fearful in attempting greatness or doing great things, in fact they seek such opportunities…but only to glory in their God.
While the realities of oppression are all around us and the world will no doubt have to answer for such crimes, women must become their own best advocates. Hatred against women is too often harbored in the female heart. The limitations and weakness the world associates with femininity tempts us to despise and betray those very qualities within us that would set us free. Through education, resume building, and preparing for professions, we make ourselves accessible to the Lord for his work and glory. While much of the qualifications and hoops we jump through are of a mortal making, doing so will demand the attention necessary to be influential as a representative of our gender. We must forgo the cookie cutter mother syndrome. We must trade in the perfectly manicured nails and trips to the mall for some heavy lifting and demanding work. Mothers who are at ease in Zion may hide behind the crafts or pot luck dinners but women of faith hear the cries of all God’s children. In their fearless attempts to dry the eyes of nations, to perpetuate love not just life, they become the kind of mothers the Lord intended them to be.

REFERENCES
Burton, David H.2009.These are the Times. Devotional given on December 1 at Brigham Young University.
Hudson, Valerie, and Alma Don Sorensen. 2004. Women in eternity women of Zion. Cedar Fort Inc.
The Family: a Proclamation to the World. 1995. The First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Moses 1
Matthew 25: 35-40
Mosiah 18: 8-10
2 Nephi 28: 24-25