My first post - Abortion

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I fully support changes to make getting an abortion a more thoughtful process. Seriously, people... you can't just go to the doctor and say I want my lips and face done, and BAM there ya go! So why should anyone be able to do that with an abortion?

Do you ever feel misjudged, misunderstood, or out of place? Unlike popstar Katy Perry, I don't feel "like a plastic bag drifting in the wind" (terrible lyrics!). I feel very grounded and at the same time as if I am aflight with the birds frantically searching for twigs to build my nest, to keep it safe. I feel the world is in such chaos, yet it is still so wonderful and lovely and I cannot wish to leave it. But some days my sorrows bring me to realize I will gladly leave when taken. I know where I am going.

Sometimes I feel as if I am being pulled by two ropes. One tied to the side of my heart, the other to my brain. Abortion. Legal? Illegal? Right? Sometimes Right, sometimes wrong? Or just plain wrong? and by whose standards are these judgements to be made? Sigh. I cannot even begin to bring all the articles, arguments, and feelings of this topic to this one simple post. I do, however have some opinions of my own to share.

I am not by nature a factual/logical/practical person. I hate math, am no good at science, and I am usually very trusting and unrealistic when it comes to people. If I may do so, I will call this last trait FAITH. I have a lot of faith in people. I strongly believe people can change and will change if given the chance. I also believe people deserve a chance. I have been through a lot in the last few years. Not much compared to many, but I know my experiences have helped shed some light on the subject of abortion.

First off I became pregnant at 19. I was not married. I am very fortunate that the father is the man I love and will always love. I know this isn't always the case in teen pregancies, yet... I cannot help but think of my life without my precious twin girls born 9 months later. How can I not value life when I have seen where it comes from, what it does to people, and how much these little "insignificant" cells can grow to be. Now 4, my girls are a complete joy. As newborns they were crazy. Life was crazy. My life was sort of in chaos for a while. I remember calling my mom one day crying, "I haven't slept in 4 days!" and that isn't even an exaggeration.

Some may argue that teens are not ready for this full-time mommy duty that comes with a newborn (and never actually ends til you die). I agree fully. But, really who IS ready for this? No one can possibly imagine or fully realize what it feels like until they have done it. Sacrifice, service, unselfishness. These are things I have been taught and have experienced all my life. They really do make me happy. I have learned more in the past 4 years about myself and about life than I have ever learned in Church, College, or all the years of my life before then.

Not long ago I got a call from a good friend. I love this girl with all my heart! She had pretty much been "talked into" an abortion by a partner(that is all i can bring myself to call this guy). "If you do this we can be together" he said. "Nobody will want you once you are pregnant and fat. Or once you have a kid attached to you all the time." And she believed him. Some states are putting more waiting period and counseling session requirements into effect in order to have an abortion. Oh how I wished for these requirements in a certain state when I heard my friend whisper to me over the phone, "I have never felt like this. I wish I never did this. I have never felt this low. Like a piece of s***. I am a piece. of. s***."

I always hear the jokes and teases about women and their emotions while being pregnant and afterward. Nobody in my life and certainly nobody in authority ever told me about the emotional consequences that come from having an abortion. The self-hate, the feeling of unworthiness, the confusion about relationships, or the sorrow. Women are women and we have a natural instinct to love and nuture. (Some more than others, please forgive my mistakes dear children!) A woman KNOWS the feeling of loss that comes after an abortion, comes because there was really life in her. A live human being that was hers. Once made, her decision cannot be taken back.

Although many may say they don't regret their abortions and never felt that loss, I dare anyone to look me in the eye and truthfully tell me that to my face.

Last July we lost a baby. My poor little baby died in my belly and my body would not let her go. I had to have a D and C to clean my uterus out. (This procedure is sometimes used in abortions, although now they have easier ways like a pill you can take to discharge the fetus.) Thankfully they put me out for this because I was a mess. I woke up on the bed, nurses all around me. Bawling. "It's okay to cry," said one nurse, "this is a sad thing." I cried all day, could not stop and even now I am crying as a write this. I wrote a dear friend about my experience and she said, "You should know better than anyone that everything happens for a reason. and just so you know, you are not the only one that has felt that loss." She has had an abortion. I know she can understand my loss. BUT everyday I thank God and the Heavens that I did not CHOOSE to feel this way, to have this happen to me. I cannot fully understand the pain that can accompany the loss of a child by choice. No, and I never hope to.

To me this is not about rights. This is about avoiding consequences.
WOMEN: SEX MAY CAUSE PREGNANCY! (hello? is this news to anyone?)
Perhaps the real decisions should be made BEFORE. and the questions asked should be:

1) hmmm, should I have sex this young?
2) should I have sex with this person?
3) what will happen if i get pregnant? what is my plan?

You have the right to have sex, yet you do not have a right to avoid the consequences that come from doing so. This is not a casual issue. and cannot be taken lightly. It certainly cannot be based on promiscuity and selfishness.

All the excuses:
I am not ready
I want to go to college
I don't love/know the father of this child
I didn't choose this
This will ruin my life
I don't want this
It will be too hard to give the baby up for adoption
I just wanna satisfy my urges, I don't want a baby
I, I, I.

Cut it out and be real.
Do what is best for everyone involved.
No matter how hard.
One day you will be grateful.

*find out more about states' laws on abortion and changes

www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/03/25/states-looking-change-definition-late-term-abortion/

www.sfexaminer.com/entertainment/health/2011/03/utah-pushes-stricter-abortion-laws#

www.ncsl.org/default.aspx?tabid=14401

law.findlaw.com/state-laws/abortion/